forever Kiwi, forever Pinoy : mabuhay ka Angelo Tuyay!

Angelo Tuyay. apologies in advance to the Tuyay family for blogging about him in advance without consulting them. photo acknowledgment to the New Zealand Herald.

[Posthumously the Order of the Knights of Rizal Wellington Chapter has awarded kabayan Angelo Tuyay a certificate of commendation for his heroic and brave act, a small token of our immense appreciation. Two nations are grateful to you kabayan! ]

AFTER LONG days and graveyard shifts, my lower back feels sore and dodgy (sinusumpong). My joints aren’t that great, either, but it’s partly due to a little too much beer, no fault of my body and all due to my stubbornness. It takes longer to get ready in the morning, but ask anyone my age and that’s no surprise.

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I’m alive though, and to greet the day alive and well is more than anything I could ask for. Besides knowing my family is likewise alive and well, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

For a certain kabayan though, some things are worth more than the things we take for granted above. For him, helping others in need, in trouble, is the reason for being in this world. There is no limit attached to this duty of helping others, not even to the extent of making the supreme sacrifice.

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Facts are scant, but to use a Filipino term, traydor (treacherous) rip currents hid beneath otherwise calm waters at Hot Water Beach near Auckland last week.

Kabayan Angelo Tuyay leapt head first, fully clothed into the water upon hearing the cries of two girls who were in obvious distress due to rip currents, also known as an”undertow.”

Angelo was able to keep the girls afloat until help arrived. Unfortunately, he was himself in trouble and unable to keep himself from taking water in.

Fifty-five minutes were used by four doctors present trying to revive our kabayan. At that point, he was declared dead.

In retrospect, we would like to define in those fateful last moments Angelo’s heroic acts:

instant and without hesitation – The moment he realized the two young girls were in urgent need of assistance, he used every last ounce of his energy, wasting not a single moment in reaching the helpless. Which was just as well, because any delay would’ve been fatal to the girls. He made the instant decision, without regard for his own safety.

selfless– Human nature is after all, a lifetime of self-preservation. But we become bigger than ourselves and our nature when, against common sense, we reach out to help someone. Angelo decided to go against human nature and put aside fears for his own welfare. That gift of himself that he gave to those two girls, the latter will treasure for the rest of their lives.

generous – We can spend our entire lives building up savings, wealth and prosperity in order to give gifts to our loved ones. But nothing, nothing can match the gift of offering up one’s own life in order to preserve those of others. It is a gift that is both priceless and precious. It has no value in money terms, and yet it is the gift that is worth more than any material thing that the wealthiest man on earth could give.

It is this gift that Angelo gave, that has honored life, and which has honored us all.

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In one act, Angelo has fused the supreme values of both Filipinos and Kiwis – that of helping others at the expense of self. Call it bayanihan. Call it Kiwi-ness.

That day, before God called him back to Paradise, Angelo Tuyay was forever Pinoy, forever, Kiwi, and eternally both.

God bless Angelo Tuyay, and God bless us all. Mabuhay!




why we are chismosos/as, backbiters, and intrigeros/as

thanks and acknowledgment to!

WHETHER WE ADMIT IT OR NOT, a lot of us love a bit of gossip, but a little less of us who love to gossip also love to talk about people behind their back, so to speak. Out of this smaller number, still a smaller group likes to provoke what we call “intrigues” or negative news, usually unsubstantiated, between a person or group of persons.

A newcomer in our work site started her stint with us on the wrong foot, ordering people around and criticizing the way we did things without bothering to find out the backstories of our site. In an attempt to stir up things and shift the paradigm, so to speak, she ended up getting a lot of “pushback” (resistance) to the extent that a couple of mini-confrontations had ensued.

In the meantime, something happened to me that I hadn’t experienced in my nearly 10 years at the work site. Every time I was out of earshot of the person concerned, or every time I had a chance to speak confidentially,  I talked about this person, the newcomer, in a not-so-flattering manner.

Unsurprisingly, I found colleagues who after initial reservations, were more than willing to discuss the said topic / person with me. At first we limited our verbal exchanges on the issue of the person’s comments on how things were done, but inevitably we started talking about the person herself, bordering on the personal. It didn’t help that this person was so obstinate and stubborn (at the beginning), threw out all alternative suggestions regarding her issues, and her mildly undiplomatic way of communication.

in the end, fences were mended and compromises were reached. It was obvious that the newcomer’s heart was in the right place, but that in her intensity and zeal, she rubbed people the wrong way.

What struck me was the way it was so easy for me (and by extension, the rest of my co-workers) to gossip and talk about this person behind her back. The word “backstab” is a bit strong, but I have no doubt that if we hadn’t met halfway, we would’ve started on that track.

I thought up a few reasons why I and my kalahi (people in my race) so readily indulge in this kind of behavior, without excuses but at the same time trying to review it in context:

Filipinos are not confrontational. We hate confrontation. We keep our punches and jabs subtle, via “death by a thousand cuts” but are so sickly sweet when facing our social rivals and antagonists. In my example above, the mini-confrontation, which happily solved our problem, was initiated by a Pacific Islander who had no qualms about giving it straight to the person involved. No sugarcoating, but at the same time no hurts and insults. I would find it very difficult to talk to a person, male OR female and tell him/her my problems with him/her. A lot of New Zealanders don’t have that problem, fortunately in this case.

And because we are not confrontational, when we don’t like a person’s actions (or maybe that person himself / herself), we don’t do the logical thing and go to that person and start complaining. We go to the next person, friend, actually any other person and starting venting about the person, who usually has no idea on how badly we feel in the first place.  In fact, we talk to ANYBODY who will listen, anybody that is, except the person concerned.  Am I making sense?

We need a pressure valve for our emotions. Now, as said earlier, we like to work ourselves up over a trivial matter like the way one person does things. But because we don’t actually do anything constructive like talking to that person, the latter isn’t expected to change or improve his/her behavior. The result is, we just go nuts and keep getting crazier until we can’t keep our emotions in check. The next time we encounter that person? We go ballistic at the slightest provocation, and we become the bad guy.

To avoid this, we need to regulate and manage the pressure building up inside us, and the best way to do this is to TALK about it. We find like-minded persons, usually those who are also annoyed and stressed by said person (who until this point STILL doesn’t know what’s happening). The natural step is we start talking about this person, whether we mean well or not, and because we release such tension and find people who share our concerns, we somewhat feel better. Or at least, not as bad as before. And that’s why we talk about their people behind their backs.  For emotional self-preservation, and equally positive reasons.

Ultimately, we want something positive to happen. We hate what the person/s are doing, we want to do something crazy just to get back at that person, but deep down we just want the questionable behavior to stop. or at least make some sort of compromise with that person.

Perhaps it’s clash of values, religions or traditions. Perhaps the person isn’t aware of the sensitivities of the place. Perhaps the persons concerned just need to be more considerate, and a little reminder of this would go a long way.

This is what chismis, backbiting and intriguing does. On the surface it looks catty and shallow, but actually it is a cry for help from the originator, wanting people to take notice and somehow carry forward the message to the intended recipient, to eventually realize the bother he/she is causing and to stop said behavior.

My story above had a happy ending. The newcomer realized she wanted results, but not at the expense of feelings hurt and negative feelings created. She’s more diplomatic in the way she criticizes, and takes into account everything before saying something.

In this case at least, the chismis was worth it.

thanks for reading!