[ Thanks and acknowledgment for the photo to yoga4ayear.wordpress.com!]
MAY KASAMA ako sa trabaho. Sabi ni Mahal (nakita na nya nung sinundo ako minsan) may hitsura naman sya, matangkad at matipuno. Nasa kanya na sana lahat, problema lang ay (1) matapang ang putok nya, at madalas nyang nalilimutan mag-deodorant; (2) minsan lang sya mag medyas kahit nakasuot kami lagi ng balat na work boots (summer pa man din), at (3) tinatamad syang magsipilyo araw-araw. So sa madali’t sabi, kahit anong kapogihan nya, nababawale-wala sa kalamugan nya.
For obvious reasons that paragraph up there had to be in the mother tongue, but it’s just for me to tell you what happened next: he was told, once by our supervisor, and another time by me, probably his only friend on the work site. We didn’t exactly get the result we wanted, but substantial change isn’t made overnight. And the first step/s has been taken.
***** ***** *****
The Filipino in me would not have survived a talking-to like that, because I am so balat–sibuyas (onion-skinned). Being told you have not only one but three repulsive hygiene habits would be enough for me to shrink into an emotional cocoon for an indefinite period. Other races and communities may react differently, but I’m confident enough to say that Pinoys (Filipinos) have such a fragile (yet confident) self-image of themselves that a personal attack would have lasting effect. Which leads me to the following strong reasons why we are so sensitive:
Pinoys are eager to please, so when they’re not appreciated, they just don’t get it. From Day One at my job here in Wellington, I’ve tried to be friends with everyone, avoid conflicts whenever I can, and be pleasing in my demeanor and personality. Through the eight-plus years, I’ve learned that this doesn’t always work. There will always be people who wonder, what’s up with this guy, trying to be nice to everybody??? Sometimes it has the opposite effect, and generates awkwardness or even conflict when your too-eager-to-please effort creates misunderstanding.
Minsan iisipin ng tao sipsip ka sa boss, kahit wala ka namang balak sumipsip, o maiinis naman ang mga katrabaho mo kapag masyado kang masipag, dahil maraming tinatamad. You can’t please everyone.
So this is the way the average Pinoy processes the situation: ang bait-bait ko na nga, pinapansin ko lahat, ngiti to the max, tapos ngangaragin pa ako? (Despite my niceness, efforts to say hi to everyone, smiles all around, I still get vexing comments?) And the expected counter-behavior follows.
Pinoys are very careful in their words, so even the slightest sharpness in language affects them negatively. In our ideal world, we do our best to say only positive things both at work and socially, not only because it’s in our nature, but because we don’t want bad vibes to rebound to us.
As in the first situation above, reality is quite different. There will always be negative people, people who use profanity and colorful language regularly, and people who won’t think twice about putting you down, for whatever reason.
The trick is, to use a double standard; one for people you know share your values and manners; and another for people you meet everyday at work or in public, where anything goes. It’s a bit cynical, but if you get used to it, you don’t get as bothered.
Every little gesture or thing counts for Pinoys, so there is greater probability of getting hurt or offended by the littlest things.
Ang Pinoy kasi, di lang nabati, nasisira na ang araw. Minsan nginitian mo na, kulang pa. Kailangan daw, bungisngis. Kung ano’ng kinasanayan ng kabatian mo, whether it be a big grin, a high five or unmanly giggle, if you don’t do the same every day, it becomes an issue.
Some Kiwis I work with say as little as “uhms” or grunts the first time you see them in the morning, with the barest of nods. Unless there’s something to be happy about or celebrate, people don’t just jump out of their skin to greet each other where I work, or maybe it’s just me. Because I go out of my way to punctuate a morning with the warmest “good morning bro/sis!” kahit alam ko minsan mapapahiya ako.
Not so much with other Pinoys. Minsan lang sila mapahiya, masama na ang luob. You’ll never get the same greeting from them again, just because you failed to greet them with the same intensity they greeted you. Am I making sense?
I used to be the same way kasi. The smallest gesture missed, the simplest hello unsaid, always set me off and made me do a double-take. Was it intentional? Did I do anything to displease that person previously or the day before? And so on and so forth.
Now, I know better, belatedly of course. You can’t please everybody. You can’t let others dictate the way you feel. More importantly, what we perceive in other people’s outward gestures can never be 100% correct. In fact, we are often wrong. So that, being balat-sibuyas because of one or two gestures is simply folly.
Thanks for reading, mabuhay!
*or, why are Filipinos so onion-skinned (sensitive)?