Love is lovelier the second time around. Thanks and acknowledgment to Hazel and Mark F, a lovely Pinay-Kiwi couple in Wellington! And just to make sure, Hazel isn’t the 2nd wife of Mark, she’s the first! 🙂 Their pic just happens to be the most photogenic of a Pinay-Kiwi couple I found. Sorry for the initial confusion!
[Paalala po : As long as we can kindly remember that blogs are just opinions and just me thinking out loud, then I hope no offense will be taken with this or any of your humble blogger’s blogs. Mabuhay! ]
OF course it’s not the general rule here in Kiwiland, but just looking around you will tell you that more often than not, the Pinay wife of a New Zealander is usually the second wife, or the wife taken when a New Zealander remarries.
Notice that I don’t refer to other Asian wives (this is obvious but I’m just making sure), especially because I’m not sure how Chinese, Indian, Thai, or any other Asian wives are perceived and/or appreciated by Kiwis. I’m also not referring to Pinays meeting and marrying New Zealand citizens who happen to be ethnic Pinoys. No matter what the nationality and the passport, Pinoys and Pinays go together hand-in-glove (or green mango & bagoong) as we share the kind of upbringing, culture, even religion and cuisine. Language and accent are just minor adjustments that can easily be made with time.
Nope, I refer to Kiwis marrying Pinays period. Through an introduction at a party, via the internet, it doesn’t matter. It goes without saying that there are also Kiwi-Pinay marriages where it’s the first time around for both, or where the Pinay is the first wife. But this type I observe is in the minority.
But just off the top of the head, in Wellington alone, I can think of a dozen Pinays in a relationship where the New Zealander husband has remarried. These are the reasons.
New Zealander goes out of his way to look for love the second time around. Let’s face it. If love was a tennis match, the service game has to begin with the lalake (guy). If he doesn’t make the first move, get out of his comfort zone or convince himself that things won’t happen unless he makes things happen, he won’t achieve his goal, which is to find a life partner. Now, first-time lovers who are usually in the prime of their youth think things will just fall into place, that they will get the pretty girl on looks and smooth moves alone.
Not so with the second-timers, the ones who’ve been there, done that. They know they have to be more discerning, to find the keepers, the serious ones, the ones worth pursuing. Fun is still fun, I’m not mincing words just to be diplomatic, but fun is no longer the prime objective. Getting through life with someone you love is. Besides, when you’re no longer as young as you used to be, you have to look harder, work harder to be presentable, and search further to make your Easter egg hunt worthwhile. Thank God for filipinocupid, cherryblossom, and all those other helpful sites! I can almost hear them saying.
New Zealander is more mature this time around. No more all-night benders with the boys. No more lost weekends where what happens in Auckland, stays in Auckland. And no more episodes of casual sex, where everything in a date is casual, most of all the sex part. What Kiwi Guy just wants now is a proper woman to be yin to his yang, to be the nut to his bolt, and to be his partner in life, love and everything in between. He realizes that all the mistakes in his first relationship were there for a purpose, for him to learn from and NOT to repeat in hopefully another relationship (given a chance), and hopefully with a Pinay (given a chance). Too bad for the lady in the first relationship, and as long as he’s sincere, great for the Pinay in the second. Because most Pinays look for mature, responsible men who, no matter what their past is, are interested in taking care of their wives dutifully and raising families responsibly. Not as exciting as the younger versions of these same Kiwis but definitely more reliable. And that’s why, on their second tour of duty, odds are that a Kiwi ends up with a Pinay.
Pinay has more realistic expectations. And what’s the converse, or other side of the discussion in the previous paragraph? Almost invariably, Pinays in the market for a husband look for stable partnerships, the ones that will stand the test of time. They know that this is quite difficult to find in this day and age, but the prize is worth looking for.
Pinays are tired of the uncertainty of living, and while marrying a Kiwi is not without its mystery, the promise of living in New Zealand removes a lot of doubt and worry. Especially when the Kiwi has a good job, promises to help the rest of Pinay’s family, and has a proven track record as a good dad (Remember, there are usually fruits of the first relationship).
In short, Pinays are attracted to good looks, physique, a sense of humor and overall charm, just like everyone else, but some things are more important to them, and that’s the security of family and a (primary) provider. And to have both, you have to marry the right guy. Curiously, that’s what a lot of Kiwi blokes are looking for too. So it’s a win-win.
Those are the reasons , in my mind, why Pinays are more often chosen by Kiwis in their second, or even third relationships. I could be dead wrong, and I welcome any opinion to the contrary. Thanks for reading!