Doin’ the Nasty : this Pinoy’s rules of engagement

I promise, promise to be a good boy. Tomorrow!

[ READER’S DISCRETION ADVISED. Many, many thanks for all your diligent readership, will be temporarily signing off for a while; I’ve always been grateful for you being a sounding board off my rants and raves.  It’s been therapeutic for me, and if you’ve gotten anything out of it, I admire you for patience and finding value in oxygen-wasting blogs like this, and if any of you know esposa, it’s just delaying the inevitable but don’t tell her about this episode, heh heh. ]

DON’T BELIEVE couples when they tell you it’s the companionship, intellectual stimulation or growing old together that’s the primary reason for marriage.  You can get companionship from a cat, if that’s what you really want.  Go to the library for intellectual stimulation, cuz I think it’s another kind of stimulation that drives the diehard marriage advocates.  And growing old together is all very good, but 99.9% are more interested, frankly, in the here and now.

It’s the intimacy that’s the bread and butter of any coupling (maybe that’s why it’s called coupling) and although there are many kinds of intimacy, the intimacy of touch, thoughts and deeds, it’s the intimacy involved in the heat of the night, the passion in front of the fireplace (the heat becomes self-generated) and the satisfaction of giving pleasure to each other that drives the engine of marriage and cohabitation.  I don’t go so far as to use the word / concept love, it probably exists and survives parallel to companionship and intimacy, and I don’t doubt it thrives in a marriage, but it’s a bit too abstract to discuss in this rant and rave.

As the relationship matures and the passion finds its comfort level, we make compromises with each other on what each is comfortable with, but with many men (and a good number of women) the perennial staple is the sex, there’re no two ways to say it (and so I won’t be misunderstood).  You can take away the trimmings, the fancy cooking, the yearly cruises, and the fancy hi-tech gadgets that drive away the boredom that inevitably sets in, but you can’t take away the sex.  Because when you take that away, the three of you (you, your spouse/partner, and the relationship) are in trouble.

Wow, that was a LONG intro.  I just wanted to tell you my rules of engagement as regards Doin the Nasty, use of the latter term is encouraged as there are still a few delicate ears out there and quite a few aunts and grand-aunts email me every now and then to complain about grammar and spelling, I’m sure they notice the content as well.  By the way, they aren’t really MY rules, they’re esposa hermosa’s.  When you think about it, she cooks the great-tasting and never-boring meals, she supervises the laundry ( I just assist half-heartedly unless we’re about to do the nasty), supervises the housecleaning (I just assist half-heartedly unless you know the rest), wakes me up for work and puts me to sleep every night, and does just about everything else to make me happy, so I supposed it would be small payback to let her handle THIS aspect of Living With The One You Love.  I just pretend to co-sponsor the Doin the Nasty legislation :

Never on consecutive days.  This is probably the most important rule of the kingdom, I guess it’s her kingdom so it’s a queendom, argghhhh.  Why so, you must ask?  Well, it’s a hard and fast rule for her that if you do it every day, before long it becomes tedious boring and bereft of meaning, because doin the nasty must of course be consummated with love and passion, which is just about the most ridiculous rule for me, and I guess 99.9% of the men out there (that 99.9 number keeps popping up), cause re doin the nasty, I subscribe to the pizza rule, which I once saw on a gamey T-shirt, saying something like Sex is like Pizza : when it’s good, it’s great, but when it’s not so good, it’s still very good, and if you’re like me, you probably got the meaning instantly.  Nevertheless, she’s the coach, and I’m just the star player.  The second-best player, I mean, cuz she’s also the playing coach. Ayayay.

Never when she has an early shift the next day.  How bout MY early shift, you might ask?  Well, I never complain about the risk of not getting enough beddy-bye after Doin the Nasty, and once I complain, there’s the grave danger of her changing the mind about Doin the Nasty, so once a Nasty’s scheduled, I just keep quiet.  And concentrate on preparing for Doin the Nasty.  Notice how focused I get when it comes to Doin the Nasty? 🙂  Other notes : it follows that because any nocturnal activities are performed with a view to the next day, there is also a reasonable curfew to be followed (usually 12 midnight, but negotiable), after which no Doin the Nasty is to be allowed.  Such is life !

Miscellaneous rules.  Kiss and makeup Doin the Nasty and Pity Doin the Nasty is heavily discouraged, let me explain.  If we have an argument or tampuhan and make up later, Doin the Nasty is a way of one or the other doing it as a favor (so she says), so it loses its importance as a meaningful act, OK I get that.  Neither of us too (usually me) should use pity as a way of getting to Do the Nasty, as it also cheapens the act (really?)  Common courtesies like hygiene and being pleasant to the senses should be observed (I try not to forget that too often), and conscientiously observing the noise level while Doin the Nasty (usually my problem, but she has her moments as well) is strongly recommended, for the continued peace and harmony of the household.

All told, if I remember the Rules and stay out of trouble on the right days (remember the first rule?), I get to Do the Nasty and keep my pistons humming, figuratively speaking OK? There might be a few other rules, but these are the ones I remember for now.  Esposa hermosa is usually no-nonsense and runs a tight ship, but she also has a golden heart, and I never miss the twinkle in her eye.

Do you have your own rules for Doin the Nasty?  I would love to hear them sometime.

Thanks for reading!


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