[ Note : The irony here is esposa hermosa can and will read every word, and we can’t avoid spilling a word or two that we otherwise wouldn’t have without this crazy blog. But oh well, don’t say I didn’t warn you 🙂 btw, although I primarily address most of what follows to men and males, if you transpose a few words it applies universally, maraming salamat po! Condolence to the family of Mr Dennis Gana, an old college friend. ]
WE ALL love our wives, girlfriends, significant others, better halves. We are so much a part of each other that we are in many ways almost one person, we can’t imagine our lives without our partners in life, and it sounds cheesy – corny but that texty Spice Girls title, 2 Become 1 holds true for many relationships, at least at the outset.
But I wish you would believe me when I tell you that there are simply some things that you cannot tell the love of your life, for philosophical and practical reasons, for the continued smoothness and fluidity of the relationship, but mostly because you don’t want to hurt the person you love most.
We could even use “discretion” and “compartmentalization” conscious terminology borrowed from other fields and apply them to the art of living together, witness DADT (from the military), some things are better left unsaid (popularized by Hall and Oates, sorry if you’re too young to know this duo), plausible deniability ( which the CIA started using during the JFK administration, look where it got JFK 😦 ), the need-to-know-basis (which determined what a spy needed or didn’t need to know; a phrase used to death in the spycraft genre), how about what you don’t know won’t hurt you? I think you get the drift by now.
I realize with advance apologies that this is quite a controversial position I assume, but you and I know even among spouses, which is supposed to be the most intimate among intimate relationships in human interactions, there are things that are verboten to discuss. In fact, I venture to say that some spouses (male and female) prefer not to know certain snippets of their lovers’ lives, for the continued coexistence and harmony of present and future arrangements.
So there may or may not be items on your list of spousal confidences, but for now these are (to my mind) things you should probably keep to yourself:
Caution, men at work. I must qualify this. The big picture, broad strokes, where you are (and by extension how stable you both will be) on the office food chain five, ten or 15 years from now are all very open and free-to-view under the Freedom of Information Act, you’re even encouraged to include her in these discussions because work and livelihood are one of the pillars that sustain the relationship and keep you both happy. But the byzantine inner workings of your employer’s business and workplace intrigues are what you shouldn’t bother her with. Reason : she has enough negative poo-poo to deal with in her own universe, for that’s what office politics and intramurals essentially are, petty intrigues mired in negative energies. Office affairs, professional freeloaders, and power cliques are maybe juicy tidbits to share over the dinner table, but before long she’ll get caught up in your squabbles, self-doubt and insecurities when she should be offering a dispassionate view of your workplace from the outside looking in.
Family secrets. Again I must qualify. You don’t need to tell her about your uncle who steals women’s undies on the clothesline, unless your uncle happens to live with you. You don’t need to tell her that you had two cousins who once upon a time were too close to each other, unless you happen to be one of those cousins (maybe you have more reason to not tell her, then), but by now you know where I’m going right? There’s a reason family secrets are called such, and I know she’s already part of the family, but there is such a thing as too much information, and if you’re certain that what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, especially when you’re thousands and thousands of miles away from the subject of the secret/s, then better to just let sleeping dogs lie.
What men do on a hall pass / weekend pass. Truly, this is the operational definition of what women don’t know won’t hurt them. In fact they allow men to do what they want for a limited, specific period of time, as long as nothing about said limited freedom reaches their ears. That’s why there are men’s only vacations and “lost weekends” where like the title says what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, regardless (and because) of the awful and dire consequences involved. And for good reason. If for any reason you find yourself in the company of men similarly positioned, meaning nearly crazy from the cabin fever of marriage, then you can remember some sage words from Your Loyal Blogger : (1) don’t do anything too crazy, and (2) if you can’t do Number One, shut the memory out of your mind when you return home to the wife, and resolve to never mention the events of said lost weekend. For you will truly be lost in the forest of the condemned husbands if you do otherwise. (For reference, try viewing movies like The Hangover 1 and 2, and Hall Pass, I rest my case.)
Old flames, former loves and everything filed under The Sordid Past. This should be self-explanatory, but let me use a bit of sarcasm to highlight my point. So the carnal weekend years and years ago you spent with an ex you just found on Facebook is just something you have to share with your wife. Just how do you expect it to improve your relationship after those cringe-inducing TMI moments telling her how great it was? So that fling you had on a chance encounter left you scarred and angst ridden for the rest of your life. Just how is Missus supposed to react after learning this? Can it by any stretch of the imagination be treated as a teachable moment for the development of your present relationship? So you once got curious and almost got into a same-sex drunken encounter way back in the Eighties. Can you fathom any, repeat any good that will come out of casually mentioning it to your heart of hearts? ( I cringe just thinking bout that). A good rule of thumb here is anything you did under the influence of drugs, alcohol or free sex is definitely out of bounds re what we’re discussing here.
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Whew, I just ticked off four examples of prohibited communication and I feel like I aged a year, probably because I’m thinking of what happens if I did all of the above in one careless, uninhibited conversation. Probably the best thing I can tell you now kapatid is when in doubt, shut your mouth. A bit blunt, but it might one day save your life.
Thanks for reading !
- What happen in Bigas, stay in Bigas (ylbnoel.wordpress.com)