the odds of croaking after guzzling Kokak kola


if you shake it too much, it will explode in your hand (and mouth), thanks and acknowledgment to amrandedesabgrunds.tumblr.com

[ Note : We don’t know which is more outrageous, that a mom of 8 has died after allegedly drinking 10 liters of soda a day, or that her next of kin are suing the cola makers for not posting warning labels on the bottles.  I’m sure the conclusion to this sad story will be a little more complicated than the sorry premise, but for now it led me to sift through my cola memories, thanks for reading ! ]

LET’S ALL admit it, OK?  Unless you were born in a cave and raised by she-wolves and surrogate ape moms, you, I and we all love fizzy carbonated drinks, particularly one with the red swirl and universally recognized script-logo, Kokak Cola (am stylizing spelling to avoid the auto-link blogger tool, which distracts Your already distracted ADHD Loyal Blogger).

Before the school authorities realized it contained a heaping tablespoon of sugar each serving, we were served two cola drinks everyday with our cheap pastries and sugar-drowned  buns.  This was five days a week for around 13 years, not to mention other sugary snacks that we stuffed our mouths with, it was a wonder we didn’t become obese babushka dolls (in picture) with shriveled extremeties by the time puberty rolled around.  Frankly, we gulped cola like it was water, guzzled it into our throats at the slightest excuse, and the school literally stored tons of the stuff, enough to slake the thirst of thousands of diabetic batallions, in a long drawn-out war.

Guess what?  We drank the sugared water day in and day out, became addicts for a while, realized we were carrying around excess weight because of it, weaned ourselves off it, drank it from time to time, and frankly, we’re none the worse for wear after all these years.

But I do admit that the trend continued after high school, and I’ve been addicted to carbonated, or soda drinks at least three times in my so-called life, once each during my 20s and 40s, and definitely more than once in my sedentary 30s.

I once worked in a cola company, and the latter co-sponsored or funded study after study since the 1950s to show that as long as you consumed a balanced diet and had enough exercise, drinking soda was perfectly healthy for you.  The problem was, the key words being as long as, balanced diet and enough exercise, these numerous studies were all conducted in the laboratory, and in controlled conditions.

It likewise doesn’t take note of the fact that the typical consumer is essentially a lazy, remote-toting, wallowing-in-unhealthy-food type who, each time he/she goes to the supermarket, picks out the healthy food for his/her family, but purchases cola as a reward for all those healthy food groups.  And those rewards almost always include those bottle and cans with the red-and-white labels.

What’s more, we can’t always drag ourselves to the gym, the park, the tennis or basketball court, or wherever we shake off the lethargy of deskbound warriors Monday to Friday and energize our bodies as well as our brain cells.  The result is we pack on the pounds slowly but surely until we become shapeless blobs that we no longer recognize when we dare to look at the mirror.

Sorry to sound dire and stark, but that’s the way it is, especially when you devote yourselves to providing for family and the next generation.  Do you think when we’re on our deathbeds our peers will say, oh Noel ate himself to an early death, but he had to do it to send kids to med school / law school (please fill in your school of choice).  No time for health and fitness. We understand !  Duh, I don’t think so.

And convenience foods like fast food, cola, instant noodles and TV dinners only hasten the process of dissolving our innards into an insoluble slush of gunk and trans-fat.  But the evil of cola is particularly pernicious.

the ultimate symbols of USA, superheroes, in the situation room (note Wonder Woman looks a lot like Hillary 🙂 )

In fact, while I’m doing this I’m chuggin a Litro of that most popular cola, whose logo represents the Great Satan (figuratively only) as much as the Stars and Stripes or Michael Jordan‘s swoosh.  I did it almost instinctively as soon as I sat in front of the laptop, and my mitigating factors are : (1) it’s Friday, when you can let it all hang out, (2) I came from a run, after which I can reward myself with almost anything available, and (3) the bottle is more than a week old, and the fizz is barely there… better consume before best-by date, right?

But the fact that it’s still part of my life, after all that I know now (drainage cleaner, the mark of the beast, fattening, and all other internet scare-mongering), should tell you something.  Religious nuts and health advocates go to extreme lengths to scare us, the general public, into avoiding soda and carbonated drinks at all costs, yet it hasn’t happened.

In the Philippines, drinking cola is as Pinoy as patronizing Jollibee, attending Misa de Gallo, or watching Manny Pacquiao.  In NZ, 63 percent of New Zealanders are now either overweight or obese, much of those 63 percent almost surely guilty of chugging cola by the 2.5 liter bottle.  In other words, drinking cola is as normal as drinking water, if not more normal, in either country that I’ve lived in.

The point I’m trying to drive at?  I’m not sure, just that for a mother of eight to be drinking 10 liters of Coke a day, suffering rotting teeth and smoking 2+ packs most definitely was asking for it, it being an early appointment with her Maker.  In a definitely stressful way.

Drinking Kokak cola may or may not be good for you, but funnelling it like an embudo into your mouth a truckload a day leaves no doubt.  There are precious few ways of dying sooner, inaykupo.

Thanks for reading !

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